The Tech Manual on How to be a Man
First published 2013
© Copyright 2013 Sam Beau Patrick
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or
transmitted in any form by any means, electronically or mechanical,
including photocopying, recording or by any information storage
or retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the
publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (The Act) allows a
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is greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its
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Beau Patrick, Sam
This e-book is dedicated to…
My Nonno and Kalani my magic son. I love you to the moon and
back. Mummy xx
If there is anyone who is qualified to write a manual for modern
man and the challenges he faces in the 21st century, it is Sam.
We (Sam and I) have often spoken about the very real challenges
faced by “Modern Man” as he tries to remain a “Man” while
adapting to the environment that he finds himself in. I must admit,
I too have faced the predicament that many of my “brothers in
arms” are continuing to face.
You see, for “Man Kind”, it all started about 2 million years ago.
We usually took up with a “mate” (or two) of the opposite gender.
In terms of evolution, with this union, certain roles developed.
The females tended to the nest (or cave), gave birth and suckled
the young while the males predominantly went hunting, fought
wars and built things. Subsequently, on a physical level, men
grew distinctly larger bodies, facial hair for protection against the
environment and developed special skills.
At a far more subtle level, changes began to evolve at a cellular
level in response to these different roles. The better hunters and
warriors developed a hormonal profile that matched their life’s
tasks. The more they hunted and did battle, the greater their male
hormone profile became the norm.
Wind the evolutionary clock forward a couple of million years.
That’s right, all the way to “now” and ask yourself, “how long has
it been since mankind did any serious hunting for survival or did
hand-to-hand battle with the stakes set at life or death?” For most
of us, “never”. In evolutionary terms, probably only one or two
generations back. This probably equates to something like 50-100
years maximum. A mere blink of an eye when compared to the
2-3 million years that humans have been evolving into what is
commonly known as “Modern Man”.
In her Naturopathic and Coaching Practice, Sam regularly
encounters “Modern Men” whose bodies are totally confused in
terms of hormones and gender distinctions. Likewise, women too
are moving in response to social and environmental factors toward
a more male profile. If we don’t recognise these early warning
signs outlined by Sam, we risk our evolutionary path leading us to
homogenized population where the biological markers for gender
become even more blurred.
Sam’s simple and to the point style makes for easy reading of what
could easily become a very complex subject. I hope my mates out
in “Man’s World” take heed and do the “Bloke Stuff” that will see
them retain their manhood in more than just the clothes they
wear and the shape and size of their genitalia.
Counsellor, Coach and Trainer NS-NLP
I have wanted to write this book for so long, not because I have
heaps to say about being a man, but because I am aware of vast
hormones changes taking place in the “Western Man”. How do
I know this? I have a natural medicine clinic that specialises in
helping people with hormone imbalances.
You will find this book very succinct and concise, with most of it in
point form. I know you guys are busy and have a lot to do so I just
want to deliver fast, useful facts and information that you can start
introducing into your every day lives. Today.
What can you expect by reading this book?
Interesting facts and suggestions YOU NEED to know in order to
stay a bloke in western societies and a short chapter on how to
handle us chicks.
Excited? I am, so with that I will start...
Chapter 1. From Caveman to Metro-man
Chapter 2. Bat Boy and heros
Chapter 3. Male hormones
Chapter 4. Erectile dysfunction, impotence and sperm
Chapter 5. Dealing with temptations
Chapter 6. Communication
Chapter 7. Sex
Chapter 8. Dealing with anger
Chapter 9. Relationships
Chapter 10. Executive summary
Chapter 11. What you guys have to say
Chapter 12. Recommended resources
Caveman to Metro-man
Have you ever thought about what it means to be a man?
Quite possibly not. I mean it’s quite philosophical and really, why
spend valuable time pondering these things when one can just
zone out or visit the local hardware shop? After all - where else can
you feel more manly than at the local hardware shop?
This may sound obvious, but the defining aspects that make you a
man are the line and tackle that dangle between your legs.
With all the work I have done with men over the years I can
honestly say that majority of being a MAN does boil down to your
penis and testes and how they influence your mind and body. You
see, the testes are the powerhouse for a man. The testes produce
most of the testosterone in you ( as well as your adrenal glands and
muscles) and this is exactly what makes you a guy.
Testosterone governs thoughts, shapes your body and makes you
feel like a man. I believe it is the most important hormone for a man.
Which is why I was so compelled to write this book. Testosterone
levels in many Westernised men are dropping. That’s right, men
are becoming less manly!
A research paper on The Aging Male (C.Schulman and B. Lunefeld,
World J Urol (2002) 20:4 - 10) stated that men and women can
expect to live one-third of their lives with some form of hormone
deficiency. That’s a worry!
I might add here, that aside from being professionally worried about
this biological decline, I am also worried personally. I really like you
guys being guys, and I think I speak for many women. Although we
are demanding on one hand that you become more sensitive, more
respectful of us and talk with us more, we really don’t want you to
lose that essence that defines you. We like you guys being MEN.
Biologically, in order for nature to work we need you to remain men
So if you have been suffering with metro madness and wondering
what man-bag to wear with which shoes, read on.
(I am being a little bit covert - metro guys are very nice too, but just
be aware that you need to fulfill the man side of you too).
Every guy I know has an alter ego usually in the expression of a
super hero (or a sub identity of being a rock star or sporting hero).
I think we both know the answer to that...
How cool would it be flying through the air, lifting train wrecks
off tracks to save thousands of lives and wow – experiencing the
undeniable testosterone surge . The sense of self is alive and well
when we are a super hero.
But how can YOU be a super hero in your every day life?
Surely it’s possible. I don’t mean popping on a worn out Batman
outfit, but how can you have the same feelings as Batman,
Superman or the Hulk? As well as their bodies?
Keeping healthy levels of testosterone is one way!
I think super heroes all have a few things in common that YOU CAN
do and have every day:
1. They all have a strong sense of self
2. They are physically active and have lean bodies (in fact,
3. They are all nice guys
4. They all go out of their way to do good deeds
5. They follow their intuition (okay, they called it their “super
hero sensory” in the movies)
6. They are able to switch off from their life saving ventures
and return to normal balanced lives when needed
I think it’s important that you still believe in super heroes and aspire
to be a modern day one.
Which one will you be? Dream about it tonight. Who knows, you
might end up flying out of the window and saving a life or two.
Men make lots of hormones, maybe not as many as women, but
still a lot more than you are probably aware of.
I want to focus on only a few such as the sex hormones, stress
hormones, sleep hormones and sugar hormones.
I am simplifying this chapter a lot so if you are a professional reading
this please note it is designed to give a broad understanding of
hormones for someone not medically trained.
Most of this chapter is brief and in point form.
The main androgens (male hormones) that men make are
progesterone and testosterone. Men also make small amounts of
the female hormone estrogen.
Human Growth Hormone (HGH) is the hormone that stimulates
muscle and cell growth. It can only be purchased through a doctor
and used for medicinal conditions legally. In sport it has huge appeal
as an anabolic agent and is banned by the International Olympic
Committee (IOC) and other sporting bodies.
DHEA is a hormone produced by the adrenal glands and is converted
in men to become testosterone or progesterone with a pinch of
estrogen. This makes it important as an anti-aging hormone as well
as essential for good testosterone levels.
Levels naturally drop when people reach the age of 30. Levels are
also found to be low in certain medical conditions such as diabetes,
AIDS, end stage renal failure or when someone is overworked or
stressed, and suffering with burn-out . The adrenal glands, similar
to any other gland, can become tired and worn out (i.e burn out) or
you under function if you are lacking valuable nutrients.
When your DHEA levels are low, you may experience:
Wanting to cat-nap at any time of the day
The feeling that you have been deprived of a week’s
worth of sleep
This can occur in stress, when the adrenals are over- stimulated
and if the person is on replacement therapy (creams, bio-identicals,
Testosterone is considered an androgen (male hormone) but it is
the basic structure used for estrogen as well.
Guys make Testosterone (TT) in their testes, adrenal glands and
During puberty, testosterone surges in your body leading to the
development of the external genitalia, secondary hair patterns
(head, whiskers, pubic hair, chest hair), spermatogenesis (sperm
production), increased muscle mass and behavioural changes.
It is responsible for the following:
Libido (sex drive)
Secondary sexual characteristics (pubic and chest hair
growth, muscle developments, testes and penis growth,
deepening of the voice and growth of bones)
Aggression, mood and self esteem
Protection against heart disease
AND it calms men
Now, let’s talk about low testosterone.
Testosterone naturally declines with age, when estrogen levels are
high, when you are low on zinc, or if you are stressed or are missing
a teste. It definitely drops off with age, and most guys notice the
decreasing levels in their 40s. This is now called andro-pause
(female equivalent is menopause).
If you know you have very low levels, discuss with your health
practitioner whether further investigation is necessary as to why
these levels are low. Is it just stress, poor diet, lack of exercise, or
Symptoms of low TT include:
Low muscle mass, failure to grow muscle and muscle
Low energy levels
Low mood, depression, poor self esteem, self doubt and
You don’t need all of these symptoms, just one could mean you
have low testosterone.
There are a few ways to naturally augment your testosterone levels:
- Do sport or competitive activities
- Increase your muscle mass at the gym
- Probably (but unproven): hunting, camping, anything
considered blokey and outdoors - you know Bear Grylls stuff.
- Supplements : ginseng (especially panax), tribulus, tyrosine,
- A healthy, organic diet and extra zinc foods (shellfish, nuts
- According to John Gray (Men are from Mars, Women are
from Venus fame), testosterone in men can be elevated
at the end of the day by active relaxation. That is cave time
put to good use if you ask me! If that’s the case, ladies, let
your man have some chill out time at the end of the day.
After some chill out time, men will come out of their trancelike, non-communicative state with more to offer and
reward himself and loved ones with. Meditation is probably
superior than TV but this is for you guys to decide on.
Even though testosterone is very important in men, you can get too
much of a good thing. Guys with excessive testosterone can have
Male pattern hair baldness, widows peak or hair thinning
on their crown
Acne or pimples on the chin, back or chest areas
Very competitive urges
Aggression, rage and an urge to act out (punch, hit,
scream for example)
Sex obsessions and overtness
Does it surprise you to know that you also make the female
hormone estrogen? I am sure this is why I believe all men can cook,
sew and become hairdressers. It’s in all of you. However in recent
years, for some men, estrogen levels are too high for the individual.
Estrogen is important for men but in small doses. If you get too
much of it, it can make you quite depressed, anxious and gain fat.
It also affects your fertility chances and can give you moobs (male
As men are gaining more weight and becoming overweight or obese,
(above 50 per cent in many westernised countries), estrogen
levels are increasing too. You see adipose cells (fat cells) make
estrogen and estrogen inhibits you losing weight so it becomes a
double edged sword. We will start to see more male breast cancers,
prostate cancers as a result, more depressed men, and all the other
metabolic health issues that go with being overweight.
Being overweight isn’t the only risk factor for excessive estrogen.
Estrogen is made from testosterone and if you are low on zinc you
may aromatase your testosterone into estrogen. So even normal
production of testosterone can result in low levels if you are low
One of the most common causes of prostate gland growth and
subsequent cancer risk, is excessive estrogen, often due to low zinc.
Zinc rich foods include: nuts, seeds, shell fish.
Hormone imbalances can evolve from pesticides and herbicides
used in foods too. You may have heard about the buzz on organic
foods and are unsure why they are so popular? One reason is that
they don’t use chemicals that confuse your body. This is extremely
important in a modern day environment where your body is
bombarded with all sorts of chemical inhalants, creams, fabrics and
foods that confuse your body. Try to eat organic only.
A physical and psychological response to a life threatening
situation is extremely important. It is in every person and will kick
in regardless. The only thing you can control is the degree to which
you stress and the things you choose to stress over. Imagine a BIG
grizzly bear jumping out of the bushes and making moves to attack
you, potentially kill you and eat you. The way in which your body
responds to this scenario, is called the stress response.
A stress response is actually quite normal. It is the body’s way of
going on alert and preparing all the organs and body parts for a
fight (stand up and slay a beast) or flight (run for your life).
Even when you are exposed to little everyday stresses - such
as changing lanes in your car, taking money out of the bank, or
dropping your kids at school - the stress response is activated. The
degree to which you feel stressed in situations depends on many
things; previous experiences, nutritional state, influence of drugs
and alcohol, time pressures, expectations and how much sleep
you have had. I would be naive not to mention that we (women)
probably impact on men’s stress levels too. Happy wife, happy life
seems to be true...
Stress activates your adrenal glands to secrete adrenaline and
noradrenaline which then orchestrate another series of reactions,
including a rise in insulin. The adrenals also secrete the hormone
cortisol when you are stressed or anxious.
The typical sympathetic nervous system response (which is
the medical term for a stress reaction) results in a rise in many
hormones. The effects of noradrenalin, adrenaline and cortisol will
be discussed here. Ongoing stimulation of the stress response leads
to burn out.
Adrenaline and Noradrenaline
Have you ever jumped out of a plane, or driven a car really FAST, or
been a super hero?
All of these things lead to a rise in your stress hormones and
testosterone, which can be addictive. That is right, stress can be
I have spent a lot of time with clients talking about the stress in
their lives, how they manage it and how to decrease it. It seems that
when we are so focused on certain milestones (paying off mortgage,
work, KPIs, putting kids through private school for example) we can
disconnect with the fine balance that is happiness and stress. Stress
can be addictive and can take control of us without us being aware.
Stress hormones - long term and unchecked - may lead to high
blood pressure, high cholesterol, a feeling of being rushed and
unfulfilled, anxiety, impatience, tummy fat, constipation and
It will eventually burn you out and you will be no good for anyone.
Slow down. Work out what is important in your life. If you are
unsure if you are stressed then do a saliva hormone test (www.
sambeaupatrick.com). The test will reveal what your stress
hormones are doing, how much testosterone you are producing
and if you have excessive estrogen.
Cortisol and melatonin
Cortisol triggers the body’s inflammatory response. Naturally high
levels of cortisol (either due to stress, virus or another cause) may
lead to inflammation of your body. Inflammation may contribute
to heart disease, diabetes, arthritis and strokes. It can also lead to
general body aches and pains and bowel issues in the short term.
Having an inflamed body is tiring. If you feel stiff and sore or have
any of the conditions listed above, see a nutritionist and see if you
can increase alkalizing foods and get a balanced lifestyle going. It
should make a big difference.
Cortisol promotes cholesterol production in the liver. Long term
this means you can end up with high cholesterol (and possible
atherosclerosis and a fatty liver) from stress.
Cortisol releases other inflammatory cells. Long-term high
inflammation may lead to many diseases including cancer.
Cortisol is released in a standard 24-hour pattern with its peak
being at 10am- 12pm. This is when you should feel most alert and
have the most energy. As the day progresses, cortisol levels drop off
and the opposite hormone, melatonin kicks in.
Try to avoid doing work or stressful things late at night. This is
out of flow with your natural 24 hour body clock and may inhibit
melatonin from kicking in. It is the natural drop of cortisol later in
the day that signals to your body to release melatonin.
Melatonin tells your body it is time to sleep. It starts to kick in at 8pm
and peaks at 1am. Long-term stress breaks the cortisol-melatonin
harmony and results in disrupted sleep. So if you are not sleeping
well, it may pay to work on your stress levels.
Shift works can experience issues with the natural 24 hour cycle
due to confusion with cortisol and melatonin. When you are on
day’s off see if you can resume a normal 24 hour pattern.
Having some sugar(glucose) in your blood stream is important and
on a second by second basis, your body is doing everything it can to
keep your blood sugar level constant.
What isn’t good for your body is a surge of sugar. This can occur
when you eat a pure carbohydrate food such as a can of soft drink,
a bowl of pasta, a plate of fruit salad or a beer. Eating these types of
foods and beverages (high carbohydrate load) means that your body
will need to make lots of insulin. Over time, insulin can become less
sensitive to changes and will also trigger fat making (lipogenesis).
This is a bad thing in guys because then you start over-producing
estrogen... Moobs - remember!
Insulin allows sugar (glucose) molecules to enter the cells where it
can be used for energy. If this doesn’t happen, a buildup of blood
sugar can cause you to have a seizure (not desirable) and even slight
rises make people irritable, hyperactive, angry, sleepy or suffer with
If you want to decrease the impact on insulin for the above reasons,
try cutting back on carbs. Some of the following tips may also help:
- Always combine protein with carbs at every meal (protein
foods are animal sources, nuts and seeds and legumes)
- Re-sensitize your insulin (chromium, magnesium, herbs)
- Use low carb products
- Use stevia (sugar substitute)
- Limit carbs such as potato, pasta, and rice until lunch, then
no more after that
- Fill up on good carbohydrates first (aim for 2-3 cups of
vegetables and salad ingredients each day, then 1-2 pieces
- Stop eating breads, pastas, rice, grains and other starches
other than vegetables, salads and fruit
- Choose soda water with your spirits instead of full strength
soft drinks and use lots of ice
Comments from Nudge
What makes a person decide to change their lifestyle or lose
weight? For Nudge it was a whole bunch of emotions which I am
sure you all have felt before if you are, or have been, overweight.
Being ashamed or too shy to take off your shirt in summer for a
pool party. Feeling like you have been hit by a truck every morning
and feeling tired and sluggish.
Finding an awesome pair of shorts and finding out they don’t
make them big enough for you, or, the shirt you want for the
weekend that doesn’t fit.
Looking at a fit person and wishing you could look like that or have
the energy that a football player or athlete has.
I can tell you now, wishing for it never got Nudge anywhere.
Nudge decided that his life would be more than what it was. He
was ready for a change in his lifestyle. He changed his ways to get
more out of his life and feel better in himself.
You only live once and have one body, so if you want the best from
your life, and to feel amazing and alive, make the change for the
Many people wait til there is a tragic sign in themselves or a family
member to make them wake up and make that decision. But
sometimes it is too late due to illness, diabetes, heart attack.
Nudge has gone from an overweight, unhealthy kid and teenager
to a highly-sought after personal trainer helping others reach and
maintain a healthier lifestyle.
His mates used to call him ‘Negative Nudge’, and he was. His
outlook on most things was very negative and it shadowed the
way he held himself in every day life.
Now, he motivates people everyday with posters, pictures, quotes,
and his training skills to better other people’s lives and make them
healthy and happy.
If he could give anyone looking to make the change a piece of the
way he feels right now for a week just to feel the difference you
would all say LET’S DO IT RIGHT NOW!
You can do anything you set your mind to. It’s going to be hard
work but the satisfaction at the end overrides any pain, sweat or
There is a difference between interest and commitment...When
you are interested in doing something, you do it only when it is
convenient...When you’re committed to something, you accept no
Erectile Dysfunction, Sperm and
In the last decade, erectile dysfunction (which impotence is
classified as) and sperm anomalies have become more prevalent
and are definitely worthy of a chapter.
Erectile Dysfunction & Impotence
Erectile issues or impotence are commonly called erectile
dysfunction (ED). They are becoming more of an issue in men as
we up the anti on stress, poor diet and lack of exercise. When you
research prevalence rates, ED is definitely more of an issue for men
residing in “western countries”. Tribal and second world countries
are not experiencing any impotence issues as far as I can see.
ED encompasses issues such as early ejaculation, late or no
ejaculation, soft penis (impotency) and variations in between.
There is definitely an age related link. The older men get, the more
they are likely to experience ED issues. Guys with low testosterone
and poor venous flow into their bodies will suffer with more issues.
There is also a high correlation between ED and coronary artery
Some contributing factors for ED include:
Ageing, alcoholism, atherosclerosis, depression, congenital
abnormalities, diabetes mellitus, obesity, drugs (antihypertensives, sedatives, amphetamines, tranquilisers),
hyperprolactinaemia, hypertension, prostatitis, psychological,
smoking, stress, drug dependence, environmental toxins,
As you can see, there are many causes for ED in men. Most of them
are modifiable which means you can help yourself through lifestyle
Go to a clinic, test your hormones (see my test kit available online
www.sambeaupatrick.com) and talk to someone about it.
Non-modifiable risks (that means things that are not within your
control to change) are: ageing, hyperprolactinaemia (but this is
treatable with drugs or surgery) and congenital issues. All the rest
can and will improve if you commit to getting a good life coach and
health care professional.
If you really want to turn your life around for the better, I would
start with a doctor (for some baseline tests) and a naturopath to
help you with the lifestyle stuff. Then consider a personal trainer,
body work person, and maybe an acupuncturists psychologist, NLP
practitioner (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), and support group.
If you really want to immerse yourself with positive people and
make some life changes, join a gym, take up a new sport, look into
meditation, men’s groups, or start bushwalking, camping or any
other outdoor activity. It doesn’t have to be a massive effort, just a
confident decision with the “I can do this attitude.
Sperm are the male eggs and necessary for fertilization of a
woman’s egg. Semen is the fluid that delivers this precious cargo to
the female’s egg.
The average man ejaculates approximately a teaspoon of semen
with each orgasm. There are wide variations on this but this is
considered the norm.
Sperm abnormalities and dysfunction are on the increase and are
becoming more of an issue for couples trying to conceive. That’s
right, paternal causes account for approximately half of all infertility
Interestingly, to have adequate “fertile” sperm you only need 15 per
cent of healthy sperm swimming around in the standard fashion (ie
one sperm with one head, not one tail and multiple heads). Normal
sperm ejaculate is considered to contain 20 million sperm per ml,
with >50% motile and 25 per cent of these moving around rapidly.
One has to be aware that although sperm might look okay under
a microscope, sometimes when the hood of this precious vehicle
is lifted up, there is often a dysfunctional engine. I have written
more about sperm issues and fertility in my 3rd book Fit 4 Fertility.
What’s inside the sperm matters a lot and many miscarriages,
birth defects and cancers in children are dependent on what’s
under your hood.
These are my top 12 tips on making good sperm and feeling great!
Good sperm and good testosterone levels come from:
Zinc rich foods such as shellfish, pumpkin seeds, almonds,
walnuts, pecan nuts and seeds and a good male multi (you
can find these on my website) are a good sources of zinc.
Eat them every day. A small handful of nuts (no salt) should
2. Protecting your gonads from heat. That’s right boxer shorts
are great for want-to-be-dads. Sperm like being kept a cool
32 degrees Celsius (approximately 89 degrees Fahrenheit)
hence why they are housed in a sac that dangles free from
the heat of the male body. When they are squished up tight
against your torso they can fry and become useless. Keep
them free and cool. There is also research demonstrating
that tight jeans and restrictive male under ware may lead to
prostate and testicular cancer.
3. Avoid mobile phones, or laptops on your lap. And any other
computer-generated radiation in the vicinity of your spermhousing department. For the same reason as point 2 (above),
sperm are very sensitive and will shatter with bombardment
of X-rays, gamma rays, microwaves, UHF waves, EMF waves
and any other wave you can think of. In the future, I think
guys will sit at their office desks with protective lead aprons
(hey why not start the trend now) and carry mobile phones
in man bags.
4. Stop smoking. It is probably one of the BEST contraceptive
methods going (and one of the best and quickest ways to
exit life) as it uses up heaps of antioxidants, destroys vitamin
C and generally negates any positive health benefits your
body can muster. Am I serious on this? Totally! Smoking is
an absolute no-no. Throw the fags away today and pretend
it never happened. Don’t even become an ex-smoker, just
drop the word from your vocabulary.
5. Eat well, exceptionally well. Eat organic, yes that’s right,
bring out that man bag again, grow your own and feast on
only the BEST nutritious food going. Why? Because sperm
and hormones require lots of co-factors and they are
certainly not found in take-away foods or bottles of beer.
Honour your body. Eat only the best, daily and forever more,
6. Drink lots of filtered water. Your cells are 60-80% water and
function much better when they are not dehydrated.
7. Be a normal weight. Obesity is a sign that your hormones
will be out of balance, whether you feel it or not and you will
be producing too much estrogen. You can always test your
hormone levels (available through www.sambeaupatrick.
com) or you can take my word for it. Adipose tissue in both
sexes can lead to excessive estrogen production. And for this
reason low zinc leads to extra estrogen too. WE want and
(need you) to be producing only small amounts of estrogen
and loads of testosterone.
8. Do guy stuff from time to time. Hormones are a very integral
part of this journey and they are influenced not by just physical
states and circumstance but also by psychological situations.
Studies have demonstrated that within just a matter of
hours guys can lift their testosterone levels through blokey
activities. Not necessarily extreme stuff like hunting and
gathering, but socially-acceptable stuff like sport, camping,
fishing and the like. Hang out with guys occasionally and
keep your testosterone levels high. (NB: hot tip - work out
with your partner what an acceptable level of hanging-out
is. Some women feel threatened when guys hang-out all the
time, and rightly so, but the occasional bonding session here
and there benefits everyone). Its a couple’s choice. John
Gray (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) would
suggest some cave time with active relaxation as it has been
demonstrated to increase testosterone levels too.
9. Timing is critical. Sperm take 120 days to make so bare
this in mind when you are introducing changes. The sperm
you are making today will be the sperm of three month’s
time. Make the decision to get healthier today, not in three
10.Supplement for insurance sake. One can’t predict the future,
so I guess a few little insurances won’t go astray. Specifically
for good sperm, I am a fan for guys being on CoQ10 enzyme.
Fish oils are a close second, but all the evidence I have read
puts CoQ10 in front. Plus I have seen it work very well. The
other supplements I like to see guys on to increase fertility
chances and health are selenium and ginseng (especially if
there is a testosterone issue).
11.Ejaculating regularly if you are trying to conceive. One study
on 118 men (conducted by an IVF clinic) showed that if men
ejaculated every day their sperm improved over seven days.
Interestingly though, I have heard the opposite from IVF
clinics from where I practice on the Gold Coast and they
prefer the man to hold off. (If you are trying for a baby, I
would be doing what tribal cultures do - they have no fertility
issues at all and lots of sex seems to be a key ingredient).
12. Get some daily sun (if you are not in the high risk group for
melanomas). Vitamin D deficiency is rampant and diabolical
and affects sperm, immunity and other vital functions.
So to recap on my top recommended supplements in order of
- Zinc 50mg per day
- CoQ10 300mg per day
- A good general multivitamin (B12, folate, iodine, selenium,
- Adrenal support if there is stress; ginsengs, tyrosine, tribulus
and brassilica extracts to lower high estrogen
- Fish oils or krill oil if you don’t eat enough omega-3 acids
(sources include deep sea fish, good quality nuts, seeds and
- Antioxidants or vitamin C or this might be covered with
a good multi vitamin (especially if you have just given up
smoking a page before this)
I think that is it for sperm and healthy . There is a lot more you can
fill your head with and the internet is full of information. Try to keep
Dealing with temptations
In this chapter I want to focus on things in your control and how to
find that control. I want to mainly talk about lifestyle issues such
as smoking, junk foods, watching TV, getting hooked on computer
games and the like. I will talk about porn and other dalliances in the
Apparently God said to Adam and Eve, don’t eat the apple (is that
how the story goes?) but human nature has been, and always will
be, inquisitive and curious. And, they ate the apple. It seems the
more we are banned from something, the more we want it.
I will mention things here not so much in a “you shouldn’t do this
or that” finger-waving-fashion for fear that you will respond like
Adam and Eve (well Adam). I will try the “were you aware of this
bit of information?” way and hopefully motivate you to make some
changes. (And a little reward doesn’t go astray either!)
Statistically, smoking is 99 per cent related to lung cancer, 96 per
cent to heart disease, as well as miscarriages, passive smoking
problems that affect others and more. Interestingly, women have
been taking up smoking at a faster rate than men over recent years
and men are tending to give up!.
Junk Food and Takeaway Food
The average family is eating out four to five times a week. Chances
are you are one of them eating out too. Commonly, we opt for
takeaways because we haven’t got any ingredients in the house
(ie poor preparation), we can’t be bothered (apathy, lazy or maybe
sick), we are time poor (maybe you are committing to the wrong
things and food should come first) or you’re simply forgetting.
Most takeaways have your daily quota of salt, fat and carbohydrates
in one meal! Worse still, they are often so moorish you often overeat and are left craving more. When I have looked into ingredients
of common takeaways I am dumbfounded. The use of chemicals,
flavour enhancers, additives, and colours is concerning. Even plain
old chips can be adulterated with 30 ingredients.
I am very passionate about good nutrition and YOUR nutrition. It
is imperative for your health, happiness, sex function, a healthy
normal weight body, sex drive, sperm, and prevention of future
diseases such as cancer, heart disease and stroke.
Alcohol is drunk all around the world sometimes in moderation and
other times in excess. What is excessive? Great question.
Excessive alcohol consumption is not being able to have a day off
drinking. It’s waking up and having your first thought wondering
when you can have your first drink. It’s going to bed every night
drunk. Maybe one-two drinks a day are okay and research seems to
suggest it is, but more can be catastrophic - especially if you are not
paying attention to the other good health issues I have mentioned
(such as exercise, meditation, organic eating).
There is an exception to alcohol and that is if you are trying to
conceive with your partner. Evidence shows that alcohol affects
sperm dramatically. It can of course affect erections which isn’t a
positive thing either. So take some time off from drinking while you
try to conceive.
If you are worried that you may have a problem, maybe try stopping
for a week, put yourself on a detoxification program, participate in
one of the national “no-drink this month” fundraisers, and/or do a
bet with a mate. Try to curtail your habits and reflect on how much
better you feel. Focus on the improvements, not what you think
you are missing out on.
Recreational use of drugs has become very common in younger
generations. Well actually, drugs have always been available such
as weed and hashish, but modern drugs are laboratory-made and
bring with them an added risk. The pseudo pharmacists and lab rats
making these pills really don’t have your health at heart. They have
money as their motivator and that can be dangerous.
Unless you know your supplier and/or have seen where it is grown
or made, I really think you are playing with fire. There are of course
other obvious reasons not to take drugs, mainly involving side
effects, money and expense, behaviour changes, addiction issues
and the fact it is illegal.
Chat to someone in the health profession if you need help or ideas.
Pharmaceuticals are good for certain conditions and sometimes
very necessary and life saving. But where there are other options,
try to avoid them. Look for natural medicine alternatives and make
some positive lifestyle changes. Drug-related side-effect deaths
are the fourth leading cause of death (in the USA) behind cancer,
heart disease and stroke. It’s crazy to think we are killing ourselves
by voluntarily taking something. If you have a recurring issue, try
to find the root cause. For example, if you suffer with recurrent
headaches, see a chiropractor, an osteopath, a masseuse, get some
magnesium from a naturopath or try acupuncture. Maybe have
your eyes checked. There are many natural medicine options that
are safe, effective and treat the base cause of the problem (so you
don’t need to keep taking medicines).
Love it, do it and try to do it daily. Mix it up a little - try some grunty
stuff for muscle building and toning and some panty stuff (huffy
and puffy) for cardiovascular fitness. Get a personal trainer, join a
gym or find a mate to engage in regular activity (eg squash). It’s fun
and massively important for your health.
Porn and on-line Sex
Watching sex on-line has become a big industry and past time for
many men. Some find it harmless and claim it helps them, while
research is emerging that younger guys gaining their sex education
this way have unrealistic expectations of themselves and their
I suspect fumbling around and learning sex boundaries and
pleasures the old fashion way will prove to be the safest and most
Porn and sex imagery can be distasteful and degrading for women.
You may find the women with greatest values are not the ones
sending texts to strangers but are indeed the ones waiting by the
phone, the old fashion way, for an invitation to be friends first and
sex buddies later. Go in with your eyes wide open and don’t think
that all women are wired that way. We are not.
This is becoming a massive problem for young men. Gambling
spreads across many cultures but it is on a rapid incline in my
home country Australia. This is due to the very addictive nature of
gambling and the accessibility to gamble. You can gamble online
at any time of the day and you can bet on anything. First goal, last
goal, first three horses, mystery bets, and on it goes. The lure of
winning some quick bucks is hard to resist.
Activities like gambling can lead to a short term increase in
testosterone and cortisol but can leave a vaccum as soon as the
rush dies off. Leaving you craving more. It’s this nasty cycle that gets
Gambling often requires supervision to get “unhooked”. BUT, like
everything else listed here, if you fill the void with an all-consuming
healthy lifestyle and fun activity, (things you are passionate about),
then you will not miss it as much.
Much like gambling, computer games can become very addictive
and are the biggest time wasters. I refer to these activities as red
light activities in my stress seminars and blogs. They have no
positive benefits - no physical benefits, no personal development
opportunities and unfortunately they don’t improve your socialising
skills nor hormones.
If you are hooked on computer games try to find another hobby
with a mate. Try to decrease time playing the games or give it away
Drug use in Sport and Steroid Use
The biggest worry to me, is the use of anabolic steroids. It’s a
massive issue because many guys want to look buffed, feel agro
and feel like a man so they are taking exogenous (introduced)
hormones - mainly testosterone derivatives. This reliance on
external testosterone sources denies your body the opportunity to
make it and eventually it slows down making testosterone.
Testosterone boosters are diabolical for the body as it will grapples
to keep up with the metabolism and excretion of them.
The body and hormones are designed around feedback systems. So
if your body thinks you are making enough testosterone (because
you are taking it) then it will not manufacture as much. This applies
to any external (exogenous) source of hormone supply. You run the
risk of switching off natural production of the hormone and can
becoming reliant on the external source.
Natural medicine theory helps your body makes its own levels and
this is far superior if you ask me.
Steroids can reduce the size of your penis and testes and can give
you man boobs (moobs), impotence, depression, aggression and
The anger and outbursts associated with steroid use are very real and
very common. It is called “roid rage” and is frightening to witness!
I have witnessed ,and heard about, guys just “snapping”and I am
sure some killing rampages are due to an acute spike in testosterone
(natural or otherwise).
I don’t understand why you would risk putting your body through
these deadly side effects to look good but I am not a guy so I will
never fully get it.
Medically supervised steroid use is quite different, but you still need
to make sure your zinc levels are good and that you are not getting
a build up of estrogen. How would you know about estrogen? You
could get your doctor to check with a blood test but estrogen is
poorly picked up in blood tests. A saliva test is best.
This is from a blog I wrote about Lance Armstrong and drug
World Cycling is reeling in a pain as golden boy Lance Armstrong
is busted for alleged blood doping and taking sports enhancing
drugs! The US postal service have posted this press release.
It’s like the time in your life when you found out that Easter Bunny
doesn’t exist but you keep on pretending and playing the game
because you love the fantasy so much.
I, like many small time athletes/sports people, want to believe the
awesomeness of Lance Armstrong. We want to believe that he
fought cancer and came back and won the BIGGEST bike ride in
the world (Tour de France).
Unfortunately I think the honeymoon is over and we have to
accept that, as great as he is, his demi-god status is defunct as the
evidence and testimonies from witness is mounting high.
What drugs has Lance been implicated with and why are they
Erythropoietin EPO (Neo recormin)
Erythropoietin factor occurs naturally in the body and is
nicknamed EPO, E, Po, Edgar, “Edgar Allen Poe”. It is a hormone
that is released in your kidneys in response to low haemoglobin.
EPO stimulates the body to produce more haemoglobin.
Haemoglobin is the oxygen carrying molecule in the blood so
having more means you have greater oxygen carrying ability which
means you will perform better. It is used medicinally for correcting
anaemia in renal failure patients.
Any sport that requires significant aerobic or endurance fitness
would benefit from EPO (triathlons, cycling, rowing).
It’s pretty hard to pick up on in urine tests. In 2000, better tests
were introduced to screen for this form of blood doping but there
are ways to disguise its use.
Testosterone is naturally occurring in both sexes and is a hormone
produced in the testes, adrenals and muscles in guys. It helps
with muscle mass, mental health (competitiveness) and muscle
strength. Some athletes inadvertently run their levels down due to
Its nick name is “oil” as it is often combined with an oil and
allegedly (although I am not sure how it is pharmacologically
possible unless you rub it into your gums) bypasses the liver so
more of the steroid is absorbed. Andriol is the most common
alternative to testosterone injections and this is how easy it is
tofind on the net. I simply typed in ‘Andriol’ and voila – I can buy
The side effects of extra testosterone is wide and dangerous
(shrinking testes, cancers of the prostate, testes, rage /roid rage,
anxiousness and breast development. It can also affect your voice.
Human Growth Hormone (hGH)
HGH occurs naturally in the body. It is made legally for people
with low Growth Hormone but is used in sport to help with
recovery , muscle mass and strength.
It can be given as an injection.
Another naturally-occurring hormone in the body is cortisol. It is
secreted in the body in times of stress and naturally rises every
morning and peaks during the day. It is responsible for giving us
energy, is anti-inflammatory and helps with recovery.
In my Health Queen clinic I use natural ginsengs and L-Tyrosine to
help the adrenals make more cortisol especially if the person is
run down or over-training, this is legal.
Used as an injection into a joint or body area, can lead to
decreased inflammation, decreased pain and possibly increased
healing and can be considered illegal depending on the sport..
Unfortunately, with longer term use of steroids in this way, the
surrounding tissue becomes weaker and leads to chronic injuries.
Cortisone (e.g. Kenalog, Celestone) can also be used to reverse
auto-immune diseases, give energy and treat other disease states.
This is when your collect a sample of your blood and have the
red blood cells extracted and later re-inserted into your body.
This gives your body extra oxygen-carrying capacity which helps
performance and recovery. The main advantage of this doping
method is that it is undetectable as it is your own blood and is
natural. Lance was reportedly found to have had blood transfusion
equipment in his hotel during the 2005 Tour de France.
I can’t help to think that Lance is still a great rider. But the reality
is, there is a lot of money in this sport and blood doping has been
I feel that some of the sweetness of Lance’s 13 Tour appearances
and seven wins is now sour, but find it hard to write him off
completely as an inspiring sports person. Much like Carl Lewis and
Apparently one third of all Tour de France winners have later been
found to be drug cheats.
I might finish by leaving you with the following:
1. Some banned drugs in sports are not really “enhancers”. (I
felt very sorry for some athletes being disciplined for minor
pain relief pills). Blood transfusions and taking testosterone
is obviously “cheating”.
2. With steroids (Deca, Test etc) being so easily available
online, many young men are taking them to augment their
development in their teen years and to bulk up. This is so
very dangerous. There are too many dangerous side effects.
3. Steroid fall out. When I witness bouncers and other people
fighting, you can tell whether they are on steroids. Roid rage
is alive and kicking.
So if you are thinking of taking steroids, talk to people who are
using and those who have tried it and find out why they stopped.
It is illegal and is not encouraged by anyone in the medical field
unless it is for medicinal uses (not sports-enhancing purposes).
It’s fair to say that big words are scary. And...well, “communication”
is a big word.
Let’s break it down and have a short chat about what it is to
I think this picture says it well.
… and communicating.
That’s the essence of why it can be handy learning better
communication. It can give you that deeper more fulfilling life
experience and usually more rewarding relationships.
Experts tell us that communication is a two way exchange of
thoughts and ideas and involves great skill. Hmm. Fair enough. Let’s
look at how this can play out:
“ I’m off to the shops to buy two apples”
You go to the shops, buy two apples and come home. Effective
communication? Yes, you stated you were going to the shops to
buy apples, and came home. BUT as women, we would like you to
- “Can I go to the shops to get two apples and while I am
there, would you like me to get you something?”
And instantly you can see where things fall apart. You may forget
to ask (I know you shouldn’t need to), you may forget to add the
“would you like” part and golly gosh you may forget to fulfill
the request if there was one, just because you forgot. I see why
communication is hard.
Years ago I read a book called the Five Love Languages by Gary
What it taught me was that we can communicate in very different
ways to those around us. The author put it down to five ways and
calls each a “currency”. We all apparently have a love tank and
when ours is full (of our specific currency) it makes us feel loved
and we innately make people around us feel loved by giving them
their currency and inadvertently fill up their love tanks and so the
cycle goes. But if our love tank is empty we retract. Let me explain
The five currencies that we can use to express love (gratitude,
happiness, acceptance etc) are:
1. Acts of service (such as: mowing lawns, making a cup of tea,
massaging, washing dishes, ironing clothes, getting extra
things from the shop or even doing the shopping).
2. Words of affirmation (for example:you look great today,
thanks for doing such a good job, I love you, I care for you, I
feel fantastic around you)
3. Quality time (bushwalking, cinema, coffee and newspapers,
walking on the beach, hanging out together)
4. Gifts ( flowers, chocolates, ties, shirts, cards, balloons)
5. Physical touch (holding hands, brushing hair, touching your
back, stroking feet, rubbing, touching, sitting side by side
It’s important to work out the main way you communicate and the
people around you (especially your partner). You see it goes like
“I’m off to the shops to buy two apples.”
Acts of service: “Would you like something else while I am there?”
(And make sure you do it)
Words of affirmation: “Sweetheart, do you mind if I go to the shops,
I won’t be long and gee you look fantastic today”.
Quality time: “I’m going to the shops to grab some apples, did you
want to come with me, we could grab a juice on the way back”.
Physical touch: Kisses before you go, a hug and the same on return.
The same thing will happen - you will get your apples, but the
household will be full of love and happiness. Does it sound a little
contrite? Maybe it is, but I assure you the benefits will be long
worth it. No fighting, lots of love and you will get back what you like
too, maybe even sex .
It’s good to work out the important people in your life. Kids are
normally a combination and need cuddles, but my three kids already
have different polarities. One likes to be told how good he is, how
strong and fantastic, the middle girl loves cuddles and spending time
with me while the eldest loves gifts, cards and random presents.
The more I give them of what they like, the happier they are.
Find out what your boss is (OK be careful if they are physical touch a gentle touch on their elbow might be adequate), your mother-inlaw, your parents, your wife or girlfriends and mates. I have found
this to be one of the best communicating tools I have ever learned
because you see communication is not just about words. It’s about
intent and energy.
Giving more of something to someone who doesn’t want it will not
give you points. You need to give someone what they want and
then communication will be strong and you will ultimately get more
of what you want.
Before I sign off on communicating, can I suggest that you use your
Words are an expression of our thoughts and emotions and can
be powerful at making others feel good or bad depending on your
word selection, tone and delivery. Pause before saying something
hard (maybe write it), listen to others use of the words think/feel
and use the word they chose and lastly, try not to spit words out.
When we are angry it doesn’t matter so much the words coming
out of our mouths but the anger behind them. No one likes being
told off or yelled at.
Effective communication will be your greatest tool and learning
how to use your words, your tone and body language is worth
reading up on.
You may wish to get your partner to read this, because experts are
right, communication is a two way thing.
The participation in sex and sex acts (masturbating) are very
important for a male.
Guys have two testosterone peaks a day and this means (aside from
the minute to minute sex references that is very normal in a man),
he will have an urge twice a day. With later years, this urge can
shuffle to be one and in the middle of the day but this is not in
hormonal sync with your 24-hour body clock. Sex first thing in the
morning is best.
How do you find a partner who is willing to have sex one to two
times a day?
Great question. When I talk with women in my clinic many are
content with a once a week interlude. I encourage them to go for
daily and if I think they are up for it, I suggest twice a day. The
reasons for my enthusiastic encouragement is multiple.
Sex doesn’t just mean the man ejaculating. It refers to anything
sexual. Massaging, foreplay, masturbating, oral sex and intercourse,
watching porn (and maybe more).
For women, sex starts with a rise in oxytocin - our love drug. This
can be generated by a hug and acknowledgement or good deed.
John Gray suggests trying this winner line “... you do so much for
so many people, let me give you a hug.” (By the way, if you are
looking for a great read, John Gray’s series on women and men is
very insightful and practical!)
For men, sex is a way of life. It boosts testosterone, gets rid of some
and makes YOU feel good.
For women, sex can be a chore, it can be painful, unfulfilling and
even demeaning. Not many women that I know, fit the movie sex
scene images or Youtube clips. They don’t always feel sexy, horny
and loved. Most feel exhausted, overweight, under-appreciated
and unloved. Yes, I am speaking for many women here...
So in order to get what you want, which is probably more sex, refer
back to the chapter on communicating. Go in with a “how can I
make her feel loved, appreciated, sexy, energized” mindset. Find
out what she is missing in her day and see if you can Help her out
and then she will reward you.
For women sex is an expression of our love and commitment and
we want sex to communicate all of those things back to us. Sure,
physically it can be rewarding, but more often than not, we do it to
show our love. If we are not feeling loved, there ain’t no way you
are going to get any!
Once you have mastered this first step, all sorts of possibilities will
open up. Bedrooms (and other venues) can be heaps of fun and
when you have a loving, willing, play mate and sex can be very spicy
Dress-ups, videos, role play and other such things are possible
when your partner is connected with you. Give it a go, what do you
have to lose?
Which brings me to the latest faux pas of society – the internet is
educating our younger generations on sex and relationships. Fifty
years ago, people found out through trial and error with mixed
success. Then in the 80s and 90s, people were encouraged to
discuss bedroom activities.
Find out what the other person’s desires and wants and give
Now days, young girls and guys are watching explicit sex acts,
or watching Hollywood movies, thinking life is about wild sex,
women having orgasms all over the place, threesomes, big
appendages and all sorts of “unreal” things.
I think, in particular, young people need to have it explained
that great sex is a culmination of two-way communication, the
right partner and the right expectations. Aim too high and it may
disappoint you. Aim for mutual reward and you should both fall
asleep with a smile on your dial.
PS: I nearly forgot to mention the best tip of all for wooing a
woman. Women have this uncanny habit of trying to do 30 hours
of work in 24 hours. From stay at home mums to busy executives,
it’s just how most of us are wired. If you can help us free up some
of that time, say, by doing something we had on our list, then
sex is more likely. If you want two to three hours of sex, call in a
babysitter, organise a night out, get a cleaner, do something to
make that time for us.
Because remember, having a clean kitchen bench is more
important to many of us than sex so you need to help us a little.
Unfortunately, telling us the kitchen bench can wait doesn’t cut it.
Make it clean and see what happens. (I have no idea why women
are wired that way, we just are).
Dealing with Anger
Anger is a feeling we all experience from time to time (unless you
are a Buddhist monk , but surely they have lost it at least once in
Don Power (the man who wrote the foreword for this book) is a
great mentor of mine and has contributed this section on anger.
Anger, like fear, is an emotion. As emotions, they have the ability
to stimulate our hormonal balance by increasing adrenaline and
cortisol levels. It is a biological response that sets forth a huge
shift in our overall level of arousal.
In the case of anger, we immediately get a shot of adrenaline and
our cortisol levels raise so that we can stand and fight a real (or
perceived) threat. This biological response is leftover from our
ancient past when the rule of the jungle was “kill or be killed”. The
truth is ,today, for most of us, in most parts of the modern world,
the need to kill or be killed isn’t real.
These emotional reactions also shut down our ability to think
rationally. Deep within the limbic portion of our brain is a
“switching” mechanism called the “amygdala”. This small part
of the brain (about the size of an almond) determines whether
we stop and think something through rationally, or, do we react
in a defensive or even aggressive way to survive a perceived
threat. This process of the amygdala taking over is known as an
“Amygdala Hijack”. It is correct to say that we don’t make our best
decisions one the amygdala takes over.
The truth is, we often make our very worst decisions once the
amygdala takes over. We say things that we usually live to regret.
Often we wish we could take back the words or deeds we said or
did in that emotional state.
So how do we deal with an unwarranted emotional reaction.
Firstly, learn to identify the signs, recognize the triggers in yourself
and your environment.
When we see our partner or a good friend as an enemy, when a
simple comment becomes a threat to our well being. These are
very common signs that the amygdala has taken over. If you feel
this is about to happen, take a deep breath, and slowly release
it (sigh) and force yourself to think the situation through. Often,
simply asking yourself “What else can this mean?” shows us that
we have misinterpreted the intention of another.
All too often, these emotional reactions have us playing out an
old, established pattern that has been deeply ingrained from
earlier years or even childhood. Knowing that you have outgrown
the need for these angry, emotional reactions is critical to dealing
with anger and other unwanted emotions. If you are having
trouble “breaking” those old habits, we suggest that you contact
a coach or counsellor experienced in dealing with these specific
interventions. These types of issues are usually dealt with in one
or two counselling sessions and it is well worth the investment
when you consider the difference that you’ll experience once the
old pattern is gone.
Awaken The Warrior Within
This section has been contributed by James Greenshields
James Greenshields’ background: I’m an ex-Army officer, served in
Iraq, developed post traumatic stress, got incredibly angry, almost
lost my family, chose to recover, did, now own my life and have
an amazing connection with my wife and two daughters. I had to
learn how to be a real man, not a boy. I did it the hard way. Now
my wife and I run resilience programs helping people, including
veterans, recover from depression and anxiety, including Post
Traumatic Stress. I also run a men’s program called Awakening The
The Warrior: What is a Warrior to you? How does it relate to you,
if at all?
The Warrior symbolizes that inner part of each of us who stands
and defends our boundaries, fights for the King, or higher cause;
that cause being our higher or true self.
A Warrior acts from love, a devotion to the higher cause that brings
forth a bravery revered by even his greatest enemies. The harnessing
of this powerful energy can be like the greatest of waves propelling
him forward in quests and great valour, but always in truth.
For if a Warrior serves an unworthy King, or no King at all, then he
becomes destined to fight for power and greed. He becomes no
more than a mercenary. This unworthy King is a self hijacked by
emotions, bounced around in life by others with no real foundation
of who he is or what he stands for. He becomes a soldier sent out
to fight other people’s battles, whilst failing to see the battle raging
internally. And when he returns from this fight, he sits exhausted,
questioning – is this it? What are we fighting for? And a loss of faith
takes hold. Unbeknownst to him, it is a loss of faith in himself.
Yet we are not told of this inner fight. We are not equipped with
the strategies and tactics to conduct this battle. So we turn away
and either deny what is going on for us, or get consumed by these
apparently useless things called emotions.
A warrior’s fight is conducted with honour: by a code. This code is
truth. Ensuring that the battle is complete, the enemy dealt with
in full. Yet the enemy is not another person, or group. The external
simply represents some enemy within. A harboured or suppressed
emotion/s that again, unbeknownst to us, directs everything we do.
The code of truth ensures that in the fight, no other person is
harmed. No blame or responsibility is thrown to another to take. The
honour in the fight is speaking a Warrior’s truth in defense of their
King, their Higher Self, so that the inner boundaries are defended,
but never for the conquest of another. For if the aggression has
transition from defense to conquest, if this line has been crossed,
the code has been broken and the Warrior has turned into a soldier
or gun for hirer.
Our fight starts young. Before we conscious know what is happening.
We choose “guardians” or parents to assist us grow. To explore our
own inner landscape and understand where our boundaries lie.
Unfortunately, guardians often don’t fully understand the role they
taken on, and their actions violate and squash our inner selves. We
are shamed and decide to feel unworthy or inadequate. We allow
our code to be taken from us and start to operate by another’s code.
Yet this code is tarnished by that person’s life journey. It may not be
the truth. We grow up thinking it’s ours, but something just doesn’t
fit. Something is not right. We may dogmatically defend this code,
because we believe that it’s what we stand for. For if we don’t stand
for it then who are we really? And that question is a place we may
not want to go because it brings feeling of being lost, confused or
invalidated. But nothing could be further from the truth.
Then it happens. We realize that this guardian did the best they
could with what they had, but their code is not the truth – It is not
mine. And so begins the quest of finding ourselves again. Reuniting
with our true King; our true self. This can be a scary quest as no map
can show the rough terrain. And the terrain itself can change in an
instant. What we need is a compass. And that compass will keep us
on the heading – our heading.
The journey is full of wonder, and at times, loss and disappointment.
The joy of doing something in line with our code. Standing firm in
the face of that person who’s always tried to push us around, or
make us wrong. Making that career decision for ourselves and our
family, not the organisation. Saying no to that needy friend, so that
we can just have some well deserved quiet time.
The disappointment and loss often comes with awareness of seeing
how we’ve chosen to operate our life in the past. Sadness can flood
in at the perceived loss of identity. Letting go of that friend or
Then a huge sense of power comes when you don your suit of
armour for the first time and you truly step into your own power.
A feeling of knowing, of trust, and of invincibility. For you are now
ready for a battle that you cannot loose. The battle to safeguard
your inner beauty. For no one can harm you, unless you choose to
Understanding you control three things in life is the action of
donning your armour – Your Thoughts, Your Words and Your
And that is your territory.
To go on a journey of conquest is to believe you can control another
person. That is the realm of the mercenary, not the Warrior.
The excerpt I have provided is the opening to the program’s
workbook. Website: http://turiyaconsulting.com.au
Happy and safe battles. James
I will say up front that I am not a relationship expert and yet, in
my clinic, relationships and work are the two biggest stressors I
help people deal with. Funnily enough both of these will make or
break your life and are both by choice yet so many feel trapped and
unable to change them.
I subscribe to the philosophy that you can live your life by design
and if you haven’t got what you want, or don’t thrive on what you
have, or it’s really not bringing the best out of you or others, then
go about changing it.
It simply means try to spend some time (traveling and going away
for a weekend or week is best) and write down, talk it out, find
out what makes you happy, then try to work your life around your
Maybe you thought a 9am-5pm job, a wife and two kids would
make you happy. Maybe you are doing that now and it really isn’t
cutting it for you. I guarantee if it’s not cutting it for you, then it
won’t be for everyone around you .
It takes courage to live your life by design. It takes courage to say
“sorry, I got this wrong, it’s not you, it’s me”.
It takes clarity to find out what really makes your mind tick and your
heart sing. And it takes a massive commitment to yourself to lead
the best life you think is possible.
Do you have those things: courage, clarity and commitment? By
the way, I didn’t intend for them to all start with the letter ”C” but
it does make things easier.
If you can’t categorically say yes to all of the three Cs, then take that
weekend away on your own. Go fly fishing, parachute jump out of
a plane, go and visit your grandparents, just remove yourself from
your every day and live your life with passion, unreservedness and
honesty and reflect on your life and work out what would make the
Relationships and work are two of the greatest sources of stress that
I see people deal with. The other big issues is finances. Continually
work on your relationships - that is what people who have been
together for 50+ years tell me is their secret. They work out quickly
set roles, open communication and don’t walk out on, but work on,
their relationships. (Once again you may need an expert to help
out. Go for it, do it. What do you have to lose?)
I know for many of you just reading this part and not the entire
book will be a step forward. These are the take-home grabs.
1. Keep your testosterone levels high (do sport, do action stuff,
hang out with other guys, do meditation, eat zinc rich foods)
1. Look after your body (eat organic foods, hormone-free
meats, exercise daily, drink water and address addictions)
2. Continually work on your communication and relationships.
Not because you are bad at it but because communication
and relationships are being dragged along with the IT
revolution and are changing. Things are changing! What
used to work may not work any more
3. Keep your estrogen levels in check (keep your weight normal,
eat organic only, avoid hormones in meat, eat zinc rich foods
daily, get vitamin D from the sun when you can and balance
your time with active relaxation).
What you guys have to say
The Male Responsibility – handing down of the family baton
I invited my dad to an international test match in 1999. It was a
thrilling game but at the last minute we lost by one point. The local
crowd was very disappointed but the level of play and entertainment
value was unbelievable. It was the first time he had ever come with
me to a game like this. He had normally been a spectator at some
of my games.
After the game he turned to me and said, “Now that was great, I
want you to bring your mother along to these types of games when
I’m gone she would love it.”
He was about 67 at the time and I wondered for a minute what
he meant by “When I’m gone” so we discussed it, but he wouldn’t
come out and tell me that he was dying although I guessed as
much. I was kind of pissed off that he couldn’t talk to me about this.
I was also disappointed that I couldn’t bring myself to ask him more
about his cancer, what the Doctors had told him, or any ‘How Long
have you got?’ type questions. He was a mountain of a man and
everyone loved him - the people who worked for him, his mates, us
kids, and mum of course. He had a soft nature and was a kind man.
Being an ex-policeman I had been around death and had to handle
delicate situations on many occasions but this was on another level
there was something inside that held me back. I think back now and
know it was the - “hey my dad is bullet proof, nothing can hurt him,
she’ll be right mate!” or “No not him surely”.
Within two years he had passed away and the family was around
his bed when he took his last breathe. I was crushed inside to think
that I no longer had a person to look up to in my life. He spoke to my
two boys (his grandsons) before he died and he told them things
that I wished he had told me, but he knew I was there listening
and taking on board the advice he was giving to two teens and his
It dawned on me that I had this responsibility of being a leader
to them, a person to set examples for. There was no introduction,
no lessons. It just happened without thought. I had inherited this
mantle after his last breathe. I thought to myself, “I want to be
straight up and honest with my sons” (not that dad wasn’t) and be
able to share delicate life moments like this. I want to be able to tell
them that I’m there for them or that something is wrong.
Being a man is being able to share those emotions with your son
and knowing that you have prepared your son to handle those
The other hidden agenda amongst this story is men don’t go to
their Doctors early enough or share their problems before it’s too
Modern Relationships – what are you guys meant to do?
I think another thing that is hard for a man is what women want
him to be. Rugged, gentle, metro? It seems the gender roles
have become confused! Because of the modern world, and even
the economy, the nurturing role of a woman and the protector/
provider role of a man are blurred and neither sex are fulfilled!
I saw it first hand in the 70s with Germaine Greer, burning the
bra - equality! Suddenly females in general were empowered
and tried to take men on...head on! Lots of confrontation leaving
men without their genetic purpose. Being equal was one thing,
but getting back at men for their perceived suppression was
another. I have dated a lot, and I have seen a lot of hidden anger
and confusion. If people could only accept and celebrate the
differences in our genders, rather than exploit or dislike, the world
would be a better place.
Guys are fairly simple - give them a set of rules and it’s plain
sailing. As I say to my current girlfriend, “the round thing on my
shoulders is not a crystal ball, no second guessing or I should
knows. Say it, simply, concisely, and without malice and you may
be surprised with the result”. Women certainly are tougher than
men, we may have a good act but we are butter inside. Be gentle.
How and why exercise can be important
Regarding depression, I think talking it out with other men that
had experienced the disconnection and mild depression helped
immensely. I also visited a psychiatrist who, after a few tests,
informed me I was ADD/ADHD and OCD jackpot, ha ha, that just
gave me a name for how I am as a person.
My fitness activities helped and more-so; a good diet! No alcohol
and or drugs even stimulants such as coffee or Guarana helped.
Clean body, clean mind.
I dip back into a mild depressive state when I’m stressed, and I still
feel I was affected emotionally somehow when they played with
my heart...that I can’t explain, but people who have had heart
surgery would understand.
I think being aware of any illness and the triggers, certainly helps
to keep a good state of mind. Hanging with positive people, and
having good mentors - especially older people who have had the
experience of time on this earth.
The water, and being immersed in it, feels like it cleanses me as
well. I get a sense of connection to the power of the universe.
When it’s small, it is calming, and when it’s big and I’m at battle
with it, I get a sense of control over an extreme situation, a
rush that feeds my need for excitement and the calm from the
endorphins that kick in after the adrenalin hit. Sometimes I’m
most at peace in the most dangerous situations for example
water speed skiing!
Sometimes I didn’t even know I had finished the race until they
stopped the boat.
So these days it’s a bit of a lottery to see who I weigh up to
and how I deal with it. No one would know, just takes a bit of
negotiation with myself everyday to get in gear. Split second,
one minute or 1one hour! Could be worse, I have a friend who is
medicated. He said he would rather feel a little nutty than not to
feel at all.
Definitely the sense of vulnerability is hard as men do feel
As I age I don’t feel the need to prove myself, I just do my best on
any given day, it’s a way easier place to live than to be in constant
competition with yourself or others. It has also taken away the
alpha male magnet I have had all my adult life - always being a
target for other males to mark their territory.
I used to treat it as a game as they weren’t even aware why they
were doing the macho thing. I think the handful of males I hang
with now, are very open and aware. I certainly prefer the company
of females as there is no one-upmanship towards me and
everything is so in depth and detailed. I’m quite often the token
male in a table of 10 women. Anyway...off for a paddle to cleanse
off the week. Anon
Heart attacks and depression
I just came out of hospital on Saturday night after a rather rushed stent
put in to the main coronary artery as it was blocked all the way. The med
team were brilliant , mainly because I had chest, arm, hand, shoulder
pain for the last five days, and being a bloke I ‘knew it would go away on
it’s accord eventually’. Right! Well, the Doctor said on Wednesday night,
when I went in, that this would have been my last night if I didn’t get to
the hospital when I did.
It took him a while to clear it and get the stent in, but it’s all good now.
I reacted different to when my friend had his heart problems. He
seemed to go through the same withdrawal and depression as I did
when I was knocked off my motor bike by a semi trailer. At the time
of that incident, I was playing rugby, was a state champion kung fu
instructor and enjoyed running, riding and gym work. This was all taken
away in one hit, as it may have seemed for my mate when he had his
heart problems. I hear of many guys going through depression after life
changing events. In summary, I guess it is dependent on what you have
to lose as to how long your recovery takes and how you deal with it. But I
am glad we are both here to talk about it.
REAL MEN DO PILATES TOO!
What do rock legend Ian Moss, swim star Eamon Sullivan, golfer
Tiger Woods and world iron-man champion Shannon Eckstein have
in common? They all practice Pilates.
The surge of popularity that Pilates has enjoyed in recent years
has been powered to a large extent by female participants and
instructors, leaving the impression that the Pilates method is well…
A few facts about the history and benefits of Pilates may provide
some ‘credibility’ for us ‘meatheads’.
Pilates was invented in the early 1900’s by Josef Pilates
– who was a boxer
It has been used to train army troops and interned
Professional athletes use Pilates as a key ingredient in
their training regimes.
Around 85 per cent of the population will experience Low Back Pain
(LBP) at some point in their life. If you have had an episode of LBP
there is a 72 per cent recurrence rate. While there are many reasons
for this - including tight hip muscles, poor posture and occupation the main reasons are previous injury and core stability.
Core Stability is a term that gets thrown around a lot in the fitness
industry. When I ask my clients what they think Core Stability is,
the answer is often ‘strong abs’. Not so! Core stability is really
the interaction of four muscles – the diaphragm, pelvic floor, and
two very important muscles called Multifidus and Transverse
Abdominus. Research into the rehabilitation of LBP has shown
that when you have LBP or a previous episode of LBP, you will lose
activation of these two important muscles. Now if these muscles
are not re-engaged and retrained, your spine will lack the stability
that it needs to perform any daily activity – from reaching for
your coffee cup to lifting a heavy box. This will inevitably lead to a
recurrence of your LBP.
Pilates is the best modality to retrain these muscles and
consequently reduce your re-injury risk, while having the added
benefits of improving flexibility, pelvic stability and correcting
Pilates emphasises moving from the centre of the body, the
powerhouse, to stabilise the trunk and protect the back. This kind
of core training makes Pilates an excellent technique for wholebody fitness, as well as a foundation for cross-training with other
kinds of sports and exercise.
So what does a Pilates class involve? While dressed in Lycra, the
first part of the class involves talking about your feelings and each
class ends with meditation. JUST KIDDING!
In a Pilates class with a Physiotherapist, you will be introduced
to a variety of Pilates machines, such as the Reformer – which
sounds like a torture device – but is a spring-loaded machine with
pulleys. There is also the Cadillac – which some say reminds them
of the device Jean Claude Van Damme used to stretch out on in
Kickboxer. These machines allow you to perform literally hundreds
of variations of exercises.
Pilates relies on high repetitions with low resistance, with the
primary goal of maintaining perfect postural alignment. This means
correct curvature of your spine and controlled breathing. By striving
to keep correct alignment, you are constantly readjusting your
body and tensing your postural muscles. What I consistently see
in the practice is a muscular male who can ‘squat the house down’,
but is unable to perform an entry-level Pilates exercise. Put simply,
Pilates works muscles in a way that cannot be achieved in the gym
and because you are on a moving platform, you need to activate
your core to avoid falling on you face.
In my consultation room, I sometimes interchange the term
Pilates for ‘active rehabilitation’ when outlining my management
plan to some men (so as not to scare them off). As they finish a
class dripping with sweat and muscles trembling, the feedback I
receive from my clients is one of shock and surprise on just how
CHALLENGING Pilates is, to the point there is NO shortage of real
men doing Pilates in my practice.
Justin Mistry is Director of two Physiotherapy practices on the Gold
Coast – Back In Motion Sorrento and Mermaid Waters. He has a
passion for the management and rehabilitation of LBP and neck
pain. He freely gives his time to educate other health professionals
and the general community on the role of Physiotherapy in
achieving great health.
The Maturing Man (or Growing Old Dis-Gracefully)
He had begun to mellow a little of late. Maybe it was the bypass
surgery or the longer-than-usual dry spell that Brisbane had been
experiencing. Some may even have begun to call it a drought.
He seemed to almost be replaying his life, remembering his
childhood, early teen years and even his first job as a roustabout
at the age of 13.
I can still remember the very words that he spoke; “I don’t know
where the last 20 years had gone”. How could it be that this short
sentence, a simple comment really, that to him it was intended
to put vice to his reflective mood, was, to me, a bombshell. Like a
landmine exploding under me. How could it be that we saw things
so differently. After all we were of the same stock. I had his blood
in my veins. It was often said that I was “a chip of the old block”.
You see, my Dad had lived a most interesting life. We had never
really been close. In fact I would go so far as to say that we saw
each other as opponents for the affections of my Mum. The
distance between us had shrunk somewhat as we both matured.
So much so that here was my Dad, at the age of 80 was beginning
to open up to me. And at the same time, here was his son (me) at
the age of 60, beginning to see his Dad as someone with feelings,
appreciation of the good times and even some regrets of what
could have been.
From my side, as a father of four myself (and grandfather of 10),
once again, I was seeing life in a different way to the life that my
Dad was seeing. When he uttered those words “I don’t know
where the last 20 years had gone”, he was looking “back” at those
20 years. He saw the past rolling out behind him. He saw (and
remembered) many events that involved me, my sister and our
kids. He remember moving down to Brisbane from Harvey Bay, my
Mum, especially when she was well. His total focus was on what
had already happened. I’m sure that as he looked at me he was
seeing a 60 year old version of himself.
From where I was sitting, as I looked at him, his frailty, the slight
tremor, the gasping for breath, the stooped posture and it all
came smashing in on me. I was looking forward 20 years and
seeing myself in him. And I thought “Oh My God” the difference
is 20 years. That’s right, He was just 20 when I was born so here
he was, 80 years old, I was 60 and I had just received one of the
greatest lessons that he could have provided.
All of a sudden, with such a seemingly simple phrase, at the ripe
of age of 60, I was reminded to value the time I have left. I began
to create a future that included family, friends and travel. I began
to put appreciate all that I have been able to accomplish - and consider carefully how I could pass this message on to the next
generation. My life and the years I have left began to take on a
whole new meaning.
He continued looking back upon his life for another few years.
Occasionally he looked forward and I really think it scared him,
thus his reluctance to do so. When his time came, I found that
he began to live his last days and hours in the “NOW”. He began
to appreciate small things that, up until this time, had gone unnoticed. A gentle touch, a hug or an embrace, the taste of icecream, a blue sky or the shape of a cloud that suggests a rabbit
and we all laugh. Simple things they may be, yet these treasures
are often overlooked by those who dwell on another time.
He finally realised . . . . and with that realisation he gave me the
greatest gift, that all we really have is “NOW”. He had lived in
“his” past and from the brief glimpses that any of us were able
to see, it was painful for him and by association, those who were
closest to him. It was almost like magic, as he let go of his past,
his mood became lighter, warmer, to the point where muscle
cramps began to abate, digestion improved and other biological
symptoms began to fade into insignificance. It was an amazing
transformation to have the privilege of being witness to. Amazing
as this was, the real magic was yet to come.
His last days and hours, while heavy with significance, seemed
to be the warmest and most tender that I am able to remember.
While he opened up about “stuff”, it was just that, old stuff that
he almost dismissed with a tone and gestures that released any
tension that had previously trapped him. Even the significant
future that he knew he was facing, seemed to be of little
importance. He was truly living in the now that remained.
So, how did these last few days with my Dad allow me to grow old
dis-gracefully? He showed me how to let go of the old prejudices,
while looking forward, living very much in the “NOW”. Enjoy
the moment for what it is. Happiness, real deep happiness and
gratitude can only be appreciated in the “NOW”. It took him over
80 years to realise this wisdom. He passed that on to me in his last
days. I now have many years ahead of me to pass this wisdom on
to those who are important to me. My children, grandchildren and
great grandchildren will benefit from his wisdom.
I learned from him that it can be very liberating to laugh at the
craziest things. To let the child emerge and even be a silly old
man. It’s actually great fun. I’m able to get away with things I
never thought possible, simply because I live in the now. Those
old regrets that I’d carried around with me have disappeared and
become learning lessons. Very valuable learnings. The desires and
desire, cravings and yearnings have become aspirations and goals
but without the pressure. I’m able to enjoy the journey for what it
really is. I can celebrate the small stuff with glee, delight, pleasure
The real fun begins when those closest to you begin to live their
lives in the “NOW”. When the whole group lightens up, becomes
self “unconscious” and simply plays. As a group or gathering we
seem to appreciate each other’s joy. This can be a little unsettling
for those who may be unfamiliar with the concept of being self
“unconscious”. The looks and facial expressions seem to read
“What are these people on?”
So he finally let go of the now that we’d enjoyed in those last
weeks. Even though he’s gone we are able to reflect with joy,
warmth and love. My dear old Mum began joking about silly
things that he would do as she too began living her “NOW”. My
Mum went a couple of years later and I must admit that the
teachings that Dad was able to share with us all made that process
far easier too.
John Gray John has wonderful easy-to-read books on relationships and
identifies that men and women think and feel differently. That’s
right, we are NOT the same. Understanding the nuances can
change your relationships and life for the better.
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman can give you some great
Face Book: The Health Queen
‘The Way of the Superior Man’, by David Deida has been suggested as a
About the author
Sam Beau Patrick runs her own business as a consultant in the area
of natural medicine and nutrition. She is an author, lifestyle coach,
speaker, naturopath and nurse.
Sam wants to inspire and empower people around the world to seek
possibilities that open doors and paths to health and happiness for
that individual, rather than seeing people settle for the “my doctor
said there is nothing I can do about it” disposition.
Her consultancy business, The Health Queen Clinic, is based on the
Gold Coast, but her client base stretches the world over, as people
seek her advice locally and abroad. In her spare time she enjoys
sport and drawing.
Thank you to all the people around me who support me. You know
who you are but especially my kids.
A BIG thank you to the guys who have contributed to this book. It’s
not something you get asked to do every day and I appreciate that
you had faith in me and the book.
And a BIG fat thank you to you, reading this. Aside from having fun
writing this book, there would be absolutely no point if it was never
downloaded or picked up the shelf and read. I trust there will be a
pearl or two tucked away in the pages and if that’s the case, this
book has done its job.
Spread the word (or this book) guys. We (us chicks) really want you
to stay MEN! And I know you do too.